Confidence and certainty are often used as if they were synonyms. I have watched them masquerade as the same thing in meetings and arguments and in the quiet annotations of my own life. But they are not identical. One opens doors. The other sometimes bolts them shut. Understanding the subtle difference between confidence and certainty … Read more
There is an odd superstition in modern conversation that louder equals smarter and faster equals confident. I disagree. Rarely interrupting is not about being passive. It is a deliberate tactical stance that reshapes attention economies in a room and quietly transfers influence to the person who chooses to listen. The small rule no one teaches … Read more
I once sat opposite a senior editor whose chair was slightly higher than mine. It was a tiny difference. Yet across an hour I felt my sentences shorten and my questions thin. By the last 10 minutes I had stopped interrupting and accepted a framing I did not entirely agree with. That experience is the … Read more
I was complimented once in a staff meeting and felt oddly hollow. Not because the words were false but because they arrived like a small knock on the ribs that I could not translate. Plenty of people smile and deflect. Plenty say thank you and move on. Some of us flush and want to hide. … Read more
I once watched a five person meeting dissolve into a dozen private conversations after one person shifted a chair two places to the left. No raised voices. No dramatic gesture. Just a tiny reorientation of bodies and sightlines and suddenly alliances had new borders. The room smelled the same. The agenda stayed on the table. … Read more
There is a quiet, underused social lever that confuses people because it runs opposite to the instincts they learned as children. We think helping is the fast track to being liked. We believe that demonstrating expertise, offering answers, and dispensing solutions broadcasts value. It often does. But there is a different move that consistently gets … Read more
I used to think intuition was theatrical an either you had it or you didnt. Over years of watching people make strange confident leaps I noticed the real pattern was neither mystic nor miraculous. Strong intuition grows out of a daily habit so simple it hides in plain sight. Its the kind of thing that … Read more
I admit this reads like etiquette heresy. For years we have been told that a smile is an all purpose social oil that lubricates every awkward encounter. I still smile in queues and at baristas. But I also notice that when I dial my grin back I get different results. People listen longer. They ask … Read more
People always ask me what happens in that awkward thin slice when two strangers nod at each other across a crowded room. My stock answer used to be tidy and neat and probably wrong. Over time I realised the truth is messier and more interesting. The brain does not consult a file or run a … Read more
When someone pulls out a notebook or quietly types while you speak you notice it. Not because they are louder or flashier. Because they have changed the rules of the exchange. In everyday life there is a subtle choreography to being remembered. Note takers during conversations perform a move that looks small yet reshapes how … Read more