There is a strange intimacy to the way older people tell stories. They move through memory like someone riffling through a deck of photographs. Sometimes the result is exquisite. Other times it is messy and revealing in ways that ripple outward from the teller in unexpected directions. If you are in your seventies or close to someone who is you have probably noticed this pattern. Conversation can suddenly tilt from comfortable recollection to the sort of candid detail you did not see coming. Psychology now flags that this is not just quaint human variability. There is a measurable rise in the likelihood of oversharing as we age.
Why secrets slip more easily with time
My instinct here is not to moralise. People do not volunteer their private lives because they are reckless. They do it because the scaffolding that usually screens our inner lives sometimes thins. Researchers have tied this to changes in attentional control and perspective taking. As those faculties alter the ability to judge what your listener already knows or needs becomes shakier. The consequence is a flood of detail that can be tender truthful or tactless depending on the moment.
Not a failing but a shift
Ask yourself whether you prefer an elder who holds back and preserves an aura of mystery or one who offers the full messy biography. There is no single right answer. But the stakes are real when private information becomes public. Theoretically trivial facts about locations property or past relationships can be repurposed online by strangers into something ugly. Practically many older adults become targets for scams or emotional manipulations precisely because they give too much context too freely.
The science that should make families pause
One study from the University of Edinburgh and collaborators found that the risk of oversharing increases with age because of changes in attention switching and inhibition. The researchers tested people across a very wide age range and observed that older participants were more likely to mention irrelevant facts when asked to describe objects to someone with limited information. That may sound academic until you imagine the same pattern when someone is describing past medical events banking details or personal grudges to a stranger on a social feed.
“The study identified two attentional functions that influence whether we consider another’s point of view and how that changes as we age. This is particularly important for older adults who are more susceptible to revealing private information.”
That sentence from the study remains blunt. It is not a finger wag. It is a description that matters because it points at mechanisms you can do something about. You can be defensive about the notion that ageing affects social filters. Or you can be curious. I choose curiosity and a practical impatience with fatalism.
Where behaviour collides with technology
The mix of reduced social filtering and ubiquitous platforms is combustible. A seventy year old might be less inclined to imagine that a private anecdote posted in a moment of loneliness will become searchable forever. Social media invites immediacy. It rewards authenticity. For someone whose lifetime predates the internet explosion the affordances of platforms are not instinctive. The result is not stupidity. It is a mismatch between social instincts forged offline and a public online architecture that archives everything.
I have seen it personally in a small family dispute where a single offhand message amplified grief and resentment for months. If you are reading this and you are a relative or a friend the best immediate impulse is a gentle question Who are you telling this to and why Are you comfortable if this is seen by people you do not know
Practical dignity without policing
It is tempting to imagine interventions that sound like control. Do not. Adults in their seventies have earned the right to speak and to choose how they speak. What works better is to supply tools privacy language and rehearsed lines that make discretion easy. Teach how to set privacy controls show how to draft posts offline and wait a night before sharing and model a habit of pausing. Where possible turn vulnerability into a deliberate act of sharing rather than an accidental reveal.
Language that helps
A surprisingly small set of conversational prompts can change an outcome. Ask before you answer. State the audience. Offer a short version first. Those behaviours create friction in the right place. Friction does not mean suppression. It means ethics made simple. It gives older friends and relatives an elbow room to be candid when they choose to be and private when they wish.
Why family responses matter more than rules
I am sceptical of paternalistic guides that set a threshold for what is shareable and what is not without context. Families must carry stories with care. That requires listening that is neither indulgent nor judgmental. When someone in their seventies confides something that makes you uneasy the initial response should be curiosity warmed by protection. Ask how they would feel if this reached others. If they seem bewildered about possible consequences offer to help remove the post or to draft a safer version. Sometimes the best defence is companionship not censorship.
A social habit to cultivate
Think of discretion as a shared skill. Teach it by example. Share your own moments of careful editing aloud so that they can see what restraint looks like in practice. When you correct the impulse to overshare with condescension you make secrecy into shame. When you guide with patience you preserve trust.
My inconvenient opinion
I do not believe the problem is primarily technological. The real problem is our cultural hunger for absolute transparency. That hunger transforms human fallibility into content. The pressure to narrate every private detail is a collective tidal force. Older adults are simply easier to sweep up because their social filters change. If we want a world where stories are shared with dignity we must slow the current. That means more than tutorials. It means altering the incentives that make every impulse into a headline.
There is urgency here because once a private fact surfaces it rarely disappears. Some losses are small others are not. Privacy is not a conservative refuge it is a practical layer of safety and a space for interior life that deserves respect at every age.
Takeaway moves you can try tonight
Pause before you click. Imagine a listener who is not in the room. Say less first. Where possible draft offline and ask a trusted person to read before posting. If you are close to someone in their seventies do not lecture. Offer tools a hand and the kind of companionship that makes discretion feel less like a restriction and more like a shared preference.
Summary
| Issue | What to notice | Simple response |
|---|---|---|
| Reduced social filtering with age | More irrelevant or private details in conversation | Pause and ask audience before sharing |
| Technology mismatch | Assuming online posts are private | Use privacy settings and draft first |
| Family reactions | Shaming or policing increases withdrawal | Respond with curiosity and practical help |
| Cultural pressure for transparency | Every impulse can become content | Model restraint and alter incentives through conversation |
FAQ
Why are people in their seventies more likely to overshare?
Research indicates changes in certain attentional and perspective taking abilities. These changes can make it harder to judge what a listener already knows or what details are necessary. The result is a greater tendency to include irrelevant or overly personal information. This is not a moral failure. It is a cognitive shift that has social consequences.
Is oversharing always harmful?
Not always. Oversharing can strengthen bonds when it is reciprocal and welcomed. The problem arises when private details expose someone to scams shame or long term reputational costs. The context audience and potential for reuse of the information matter more than the act of telling itself.
How should families approach someone who overshares?
Start with curiosity and protectiveness not blame. Ask questions about how they would feel if the information were more widely known. Offer to help edit remove or reframe a post. Provide hands on assistance with privacy settings and model the habit of drafting and waiting before posting.
Can technology make this worse?
Yes because platforms amplify and archive. A comment posted in a moment of loneliness can be shared saved and resurfaced. Teaching people about privacy settings and the permanence of posts reduces risk but does not eliminate the cultural force pushing toward immediate disclosure.
What small habits make a big difference?
Drafting offline waiting twenty four hours and asking who the audience is before posting are surprisingly effective. Practising short versions of stories first reduces the chance of unnecessary detail slipping out. Offering a friend or family member the role of quick editor also helps.
When should someone be worried about a disclosure?
Be attentive if information could reveal sensitive dates addresses financial details or medical information. Those specifics can be weaponised by fraudsters or used to manipulate. If you suspect a risky reveal help the person remove the information and secure relevant accounts.
